Jokes

“Why, what are you crying so for, sonny?” asked Dad of his four-year-old heir.
“I heard you say you were going to get a new baby and I suppose that means you’ll trade me in on it”, he sobbed.

A flying cadet was asked: “How is your flying training? One of those trial- and error things?”
“Just the opposite. First came the error, then the trial.”

“Do you know that the Noah was the greatest financier that ever lived?”
“How do you make that out?”
“Well, he was able to float a company when the whole world was in liquidation.”

“That new office manager speks very highly of us, Ella. I heard him say we were perffect nonetitles!”

“Sir, I want to tender my resignation.”
“Never mind making it tender - make it brief.”

“My brother is working with 500 men under him.”
“Where?”
“Mowing lawns in a cemetery.”

A man who was criticized for not having a bible in the house, excused himself by saying that there was not a word in the bible that wasn’t in his dictionary.

The difference between an ordinary suit and a lawsuit, is that the former gets cleaned and pressed, while the latter is pressed and it is the litigant that gets cleaned.

Two Scotsmen played sixteen holes of golf without saying a word to each other. On the seventeenth tee, McDougal broke the long silence. “I am one up,” he announced. The other looked at him with unmitigated disgust. “Chatterbox,” he rasped.

“Is it true that you are a suitor for my daughter’s hand?” asked a matchmaking mother.
“Yes, but I didn’t,” replied the wag.
“Didn’t what?”
“Suit her.”